Disturbing Tales
by Chilibob
Summary: Owen becomes Spiderman, Alanna loves Neal, Jon's gay and does yoga, and Bilbo Baggins living at the palace! And that's just the first chapter !Who wouldnt want to read this?
1. Neal Saves the Day

Disturbing Tales

Chapter 1: Neal saves the day!

"Alas!" yelled Bilbo Baggins. " I have discovered the most thrilling exciting useful thing ever!"

"What this time?" Asked Alanna rolling her eyes. This Bilbo Baggins guy moved in the castle two months ago. He was very senile.

"This!" Said Bilbo holding up a candle. "It shall permit me to light a fire so I can read Buffy the Vampire Slayer even when it's dark! Hurray! And Since I discovered it I'll name it Bilbo!" he stroked the candle lovingly.

"You Quack!" screeched Alanna " That's a candle! AND IT WAS INVENTED A LONG TIME AGO BY SOME OLD SPANISH DEAD GUY NAMED DOMINO!"

"OH NO!" Yelled Bilbo sadly and loudly and annoyingly " I am a failure as a fireman! I let everyone down by eating an anorexic meatloaf!" Bilbo started crying, took of his clothes and ran around in naked circles.

"SCREECH!" screeched Alanna in horror "NAKAGE! GEORGE SAVE ME!"

Owen ran into the room wearing a tight red costume and said "I am Spiderman and I shall save- HOLY CRAP!" He saw Bilbo running around naked. Owen was so terrified he pulled off his clothes and ran out the door.

King Jon walked into the room with a dreamy look on his face "I just saw Owen _Naked!_ He's soooooo sexy Alanna! I'M GOING TO ASK HIM OUT! AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO STEAL HIM FROM ME ALANNA! YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO STEAL MY BOYFRIENDS!" Jon started to cry.

Neal walked into the room calmly and whacked Jon in the head. Jon stopped crying and started to do yoga.

"Uh oh" said Neal calmly "I busted something in Jon's small sized brain. Oh well."

Neal looked calmly at Bilbo Calmly and calmly said 'Bilbo. Please stop you're disturbing the neighbors." Calmly Neal pointed out the palace window were neighbors were staring at Bilbo disturbed.

Neal the kicked Bilbo into the dungeons were he could be as naked as he want's and nobody would care because everybody in the dungeon loved naked old hairy short guy's.

"Wow!" said Alanna "You saved the day!" She hugged Neal tightly. Neal calmly pushed her off and ran to do calm stuff calmly.

Alanna decided that she loved Neal. When somebody saves you from seeing a naked old hairy short guy you tend to fall in love with him.

"Yay Neal!" yelled Alanna. She then went to his room to steal Neals socks and put them under her pillow as an act of lovingly love.


	2. People get grounded

**Chapter 2: People Get Grounded**

"NEAL" screeched Alanna in a screechy voice that sounded a bit like somebody scratching a chalkboard. "NEAL"

"Who's scratching a chalk board?" asked Numair who was getting his beard permed. Alanna walked bye and yelled again.

"Nobody!" Said Dom who was perming Numair's beard. "It's just Alanna"

"Figures" said George who was watching Numair get his beard permed. He was also watching Thayet writing a love poem about a turnip named Joe. He was also _also eating the_ turnip named Joe. He was also also_ also _laughing because he was eating Thayet's lover and that would make Thayet sad.

"I love making the Queen sad!" said George 

"Me too!" agreed everybody else who lived in Tortall.

That made Thayet cry and whimper.

"There there dear Queen" said Neal calmly. Patting Thayet on the back calmly with a dead fish. The Fish touched the Queen and burnt to a crisp because Fish are Thayet intolerant.

"NEAL!" yelled Wyldon in a squeaky munchkin voice. " Why are you so calm? It's sickening!"

"Because…" explained Neal calmly "While I was sleeping in the bathroom Sir Myles removed all my emotions and replaced them with Cleon's Pick up lines."

"Is that possible?" asked some guy.

"How _dare_ he!" squeaked Wyldon.

Myles walked into the room wearing a Sombrero.

"MYLES YOU ARE GROUNDED!" squeaked Wyldon.

"Okay." Said Myles. He then went to his room to be grounded.

"Wyldon!" said Buri "Why do you suddenly talk like a Munchkin?"

"Because I got voice plastic surgery!" he said proudly like a proud munchkin

"What!" Yelled Buri 'You're grounded!"

Wyldon started to cry and went to Myles room to be grounded.


	3. Lamination

**Chapter 3: Lamination**

"CLUNK!" clunked Neal's head. His head clunked because Owen had just hit him in the head with a rock solid dust bunny.

"ROAR!" roared Neal. The dust bunny must have knocked the calmness out of Neal because Neal was no longer calm. Owen ran away laughing to take a bath in a barrel full of diet ginger ale.

"NEALAN!" screamed Jon, who was done doing his Yoga routine. "YOU'RE TOO LOOOOOUUUUUDDDD! For that you must be punished!"

"What's my punishment?" asked Neal who was donating blood to the needy.

"I'm taking away you're strawberry jam privileges!" said Jon

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" moaned Neal "But how will I ever live without strawberry jam?" he started to cry and collapsed on the flour.

Gary walked into the room and stepped over Neal. He had a worried look on his face.

"Has anyone seen my easy bake oven?" asked Gary.

"What's that?" said everyone confused.

"I can't remember! But I miss it" Gary started to cry and collapsed on the flour beside Neal.

For thirteen minutes and six seconds nothing out of the ordinary happened then… Roger walked into the room holding an easy bake oven. Of course since easy bake ovens weren't invented back then nobody knew what it was.

"What is that?" asked Jon

"IT'S A KILLING OBJECT!" screamed Thayet in terror. She then jumped out the window.

Roger got hit in the head and died along with the easy bake oven.

"Look at me everyone!" said Neal. For some reason Neal was now shiny and plasticity.

"Neal, why are you now shiny and plasticity?" asked Raoul.

"Because I got myself laminated!" said Neal

"WHY!" asked Raoul.

"I wanted to be shiny!" said Neal "Shiny is FUN!" he then ran around in shiny circles to show of his new found shininess.

* * *

SHINY IS FUN! GET YOURSELF LAMINATED TODAY! 


	4. Search Party

**Chapter 4: Search Party**

"HEY!" said Raoul "Where's Kel?"

Everybody thought about this. Except Neal and Gary. Neal couldn't think about cuz he was passed out on the ground. Gary couldn't think about it cuz he was already thinking too much about were his easy bake oven was.

Suddenly Jon Screeched "SEARCH PARTY! SEARCH FOR KEL!"

So everybody searched for Kel in the most obvious places (The bathroom, her bedroom, the soup cauldron.)

"I FOUND HER!" yelled Numair who was dragging someone behind him. Everyone rushed to see Kel.

"That's not Kel!" said Duke Gareth "It's Gary!" 

"Oh" said Numair throwing Gary into a giant bowl full of chicken noodle soup.

"I FOUND HER! I FOUND HER!" screamed Joren. Everybody ran to Joren. He was pointing at a trashcan. Joren took off the trashcan lid and inside was…

"KEL!" screamed Jon. "What are you doing in that trashcan?"

"I LIVE IN HERE!" said Kel angrily.

"You live in a garbage can?" asked Joren.

"No" said Kel "A trash can! You're just jealous! Go away!" So everyone went away.

Neal finally woke up. Owen ran over to Neal and poured scalding hot pasta on his head.

"AAAAGGGGGHHHH!" screamed Neal. He ran out the door to find some cold water.

"Owen," said Princess Shinkokami "Why do you keep harming my poor Neal?"

"Because…" said Owen making up a good excuse, "It prevents diseases?"

Princess Shinkokami gasped. "I don't want diseases! Come on Owen! We must harm Neal!" Owen and Princess Shinkokami ran of to harm Neal. Poor Neal.

"Look at me! I'm peter pan!" said Jon who was wearing tight green clothes and was hanging from rope attached to the ceiling.

"YOU'RE GROUNDED" screamed Alanna whose pet peeve is people pretending to be peter pan. "GO TO MYLES ROOM MR.!"

Jon went to Myles room mumbling angrily, to be grounded with Myles and Wyldon.


	5. The chapter with a very long name

**Chapter 5: The Terribly Emotional, Accidental, Murderous, Saddening, Chocolate coated, and Downright Rude Death of The Beloved King. **

Everybody was doing what he or she does best when suddenly the mailman came in.

"AAAHHHGHGGG!" screamed Raoul "A MAILMAN!" he ran away screaming. The mailman gave everyone a letter, did a rain dance, which caused it to rain like crazy outside, and left the castle. Raoul walked back into the castle all wet.

"WHY ARE YOU ALL WET!" screamed Wyldon who was not grounded anymore.

"It's raining outside." Said Raoul opening his letter. It was an invitation to Thayet's tea party. Everybody else opened his or her letters. They all were invitations to Thayet's tea party.

"HEY!" screamed Jon who hadn't got an invitation and wasn't grounded. "I DIDN'T GET AN INVATATION!" Nobody cared.

Everyone threw out their invitations cuz they had no intention of going.

"Hey!" said Neal remembering something important "It's my birthday!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEAL!" screamed everybody.

Princess Shinkokami and Owen then jumped out from behind Jon and started to beat Neal with loaves of bread. Neal ran away with the other two chasing him.

Everybody became very bored.

"We are all very bored." Said Numair pointing out the obvious.

"I HAVE DECIDED TO BE EVIL!" yelled Jon breaking the horrible boredom "I WILL STEAL THE THRONE AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD! But first I will kill the king!"

"Jon…" said Myles who was also not grounded anymore "You already are the king."

"Then I'll have to kill myself won't I?" said Jon. He then grabbed a hunk of rhubarb. And beat him to death with it.

"Wow! Jon actually did something to the benefit of Tortall!" said Thayet, who had come to yell at everybody who hadn't come to her tea party.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU GUY'S COME TO MY TEA PARTY!" screamed Thayet.

Everybody looked ashamed and raced to be the first person to think of a good excuse. The person who thought of one was Gary.

"We couldn't possibly come because…" said Gary "The castle is being attacked by mindless wandering old folk! RUN!"

Thayet screamed for her life and ran for her life to hide in the dungeons. She then ran away from the dungeons screaming even louder because Bilbo was still naked. After that I don't know were she went but she wasn't heard of for three years.


	6. The Outdoors

**Chapter 6: The Outdoors**

"NAKED HOBBIT COMING THIS WAY!" yelled Cleon in complete fear.

"What's a hobbit?" asked everyone.

"BILBO BAGGINS!" screamed Cleon running out of the room to the kitchen to eat mushroom soup. Horrible tragedies always made Cleon hungry. Actually everything makes Cleon hungry.

Everyone began to panic and scream and run around like idiots. Bilbo ran into the room completely naked!

"I'LL SAVE US!" screamed Raoul putting a silk dress on Bilbo. Everyone calmed down and went back to what they had been doing before, nothing.

Suddenly Wyldon ran into the room and kicked everybody outside.

Outside everybody saw Kel standing three feet away from her trashcan looking very sad indeed.

"Kel! Why do you look very sad indeed?" asked Neal whom Owen and the princess with the long name then trampled.

"I locked my keys in my trashcan and now I'm locked out!" sobbed Kel very sadly indeed.

"Oh! I have an idea!" cried Cleon happily who had just returned after eating five hundred bowls of soup very quickly. "You can move into my room with me! That will make me very happy indeed!"

"Good idea!" exclaimed everybody.

"Noooooooo!" screeched Kel running away as fast as she could, which was very slowly.

"I hate the word indeed!" screamed Wyldon. "It is now against the law to say the word indeed!"

"Wyldon!" screamed Alanna. "It's against the law to say th "I" word! You're under arrest!"

Wyldon then got arrested.

"Why is everyone so weird today?" asked some unimportant guy named Alex.

"I dunno." Said everyone else.

"Noodle." Said Joren.

"DON'T SWEAR!" Screamed Wyldon, who had been let out of prison, hitting Joren with a very hard rock.

"OUCHIES!" screamed Joren who was very much in pain.


	7. Traffic Jam

**Chapter 7: Traffic Jam**

It was 8:00 A.M. in the morning and everybody in the castle was waiting in line to use Neal's bathroom. They had to wait so long cuz Wyldon was in the bathroom spending 5 hours to make himself beautiful. The line went all the way from Neals room to Raouls grandmas secret apartment on the other side of the palace.

At the very end of this line was Neal.

"Why's everybody using my bathroom?" asked Neal who was at the end of the line because he had been visiting Raouls grandma when he suddenly had to go to the bathroom. He had come out of the secret apartment to find the line to his bathroom!

"It prevents diseases?" suggested Owen. Owen and princess what's-her-face couldn't harm Neal since they both had to go to the bathroom too bad.

Numair came down the hallway. Numair did not have to go to the bathroom cuz he did not have a blatter. Numair tried to get through the line so he could continue his pointless walk but he couldn't, so he caused a traffic jam by yelling the word "Traffic Jam"

"TRAFFIC JAMN!" screamed Numair like a madman.

Everybody ignored Numair. Suddenly Numair got an idea. He then recited a spell that would make everybody not have to go to the bathroom no more.

"Shwartzenager!" screamed Numair not like a madman. Suddenly nobody had to go to the bathroom anymore. Except Neal. Neal still had to go because the spell had just bounced off his shininess.

Owen and Princess Shinkokami, who no longer had to go to the bathroom and were now free to harm Neal, attacked Neal with rolling pins. They rolled him to a pulp. 

"Poor Neal" said Kel sadly. She then smiled at Joren.

"Agggghhhh!" screamed Joren in frightful fright. "Why are you staring at me? AGGHHHH!"

"You're soooooo pretty!" sighed Kel dreamily. She hugged Joren.

"EEK" eeked Joren slithering out of Kels grasp and running away.

"HEY!" screamed Dom "I thought you loved me!"

Kel gasped until she couldn't possibly gasp anymore, cuz her lungs were at the point of exploding. "How did you know?" said Kel in a grandpa voice.

Dom looked guilty. "Well…umm…Me and Neal and Cleon …And Wyldon sorta read your pink diary."' He looked down sadly.

Kel gasped again, this time so hard her lungs imploded. "HOW DARE YOU! I NO LONGER LOVE YOU! OR NEAL! OR WYLDON! OR CLEON! … Actually I never loved Cleon…"

Dom giggled "Kel loved Wyldon…euck."


	8. Visitors

**Chapter 8: Visitor**

"My kidneys are made of pineapple cider!" said Allana.

"Pineapple cider dear?" said George wondering why in the world he had married Allana.

"Don't you dare call me "dear"! I love Neal now!" said Allana who ran off to find Neal.

"Yay!" screamed George "I'm single again!"

"Lucky you." Said Neal sadly who had just came back from his and Princess Shinkokami's wedding. "I'm horribly married! Plus my wife keeps bodily harming me!" he then got stabbed in a rather painful place, with a pencil which had been thrown by Princess Shinkokami.

"THERE'RE IS A VISITOR HERE!" screamed Wyldon.

"AAAGGGGHHH!" screamed George who is terribly afraid of visitors. He ducked behind an overgrown wheel barrel.

"Who is it?" said Neal exidedly.

"Some guy from Timbuktu named Tony." Said Wyldon pointing to a very ugly guy.

"AAGGGGHHH!" screamed Neal who was terribly afraid of ugly visitors. He also hid behind the overgrown wheel barrel with George.

"That guy is very ugly!" whispered Neal.

"I can see that!" whispered George. Allana walked into the room.

"Why is my lover and my ex lover hiding behind a wheel barrel?" wondered her.

"There scared of this visitor." Said Owen happily.

"WHAT?" screamed Alanna "No lover of mine will be scared of a common visitor! You and me are over Neal! I love this ugly guy now!" Alanna and the ugly guy named Tony went to romantic things outside.

"Oh well." Shrugged Neal. "WAIT! How could Alanna be my lover if I am sure I have just married Princess what's-her-face?"

Owen shrugged and gave Neal a painfully painful wedgie.

"OUCHIE!" cried Neal in painful pain. Meanwhile…

Kel and Joren have decided to get married for some reason. I think it has something to do with the love potion Numair made.


	9. Wedding Plans

**Chapter 9: Wedding Plans**

Aanna was on her most terrifying, dangerous, risky, hazardous, and most ticklish quest yet. She had to be the bridesmaid at Kel and Joren's wedding.

"But I don't even like Kel all that much! And I'd rather be the best man!" screeched Alanna at Myles. Myles didn't mind. He was used to this. He just sat there and danced the tango with his best friend Mr. Garrison of Southpark.

Alanna then threw a tantrum using nothing more than a frying pan, eggs, bacon, and her grandma.

Owen hopped into the room and said "Alana! Time to try on your shiny orange leather bridesmaid dress!" Owen smiled his most smiley supportive smileiest smile. "It's sooooooooo beautiful! I wish I could be the bridesmaid!"'

And it was at about that minute Alanna's plan started to unfold. She grinned evilly and started to laugh uncontrollably. It was so evil! Alanna was a genius.

Myles and Owen just stood and stared; Myles with a terrified look on his face. Owen had a dreamy look on his face because he was still thinking of how he'd look in the bride's maid's dress.

Alanna was about to stop laughing and tell her plan when:

Suddenly Neal ran in with a can of canned milk and poured it into Alanna's open mouth. Alanna coughed and choked and passed out on the flour dead.

"Gasp!" gasped George "You killed my wife!" George grabbed a toucan and started to beat Neal with it.

"NO I DIDN'T!" Lied Neal in a sneaky lying sorta way. " Jon did!"

"Gasp!" gasped George again " How could he?"

"I donno" said Neal

"Umm…Neal…" said Owen "It couldn't have been king Jon on account of Jon is dead."

"Oh well" said Neal. He then skipped off to spend more time with his can of canned milk.

"That was pointless' said Alanna.

"I thought you were dead." Said Numair calmly.

"It's hard to stay dead when you have work to do." Said Alanna.

"What work?" asked Owen.

"Good point." Said Alanna. She ran of to find her ugly lover. Meanwhile…

Kel and Joren, have just found out they had been under a love spell when they had agreed to get married.

"Eew!" said Joren at the thought that he had just almost married Kel.


	10. Untalentshow

**Chapter 10: Untalentshow**

"Do you think carrots have feelings?" asked Joren to Myles.

"No." Said Myles intestinally (whatever that means.)

It was a lovely Monday afternoon and everybody was in the garden having an untalentshow. An untalentshow is like a talent show except instead of performing things your good at you perform things you suck at. Like if you entered an untalentshow and your singing sounds like a dead cat screaming, you would probably get on stage and sing "Beautiful" by Christina Agulara.

"I have one of those questions without an answer!" said Myles Suddenly.

"A what?" asked Joren slightly confused.

"You know…like this one. What came first? The egg or the chicken? Well I made up my own!" said Myles proudly.

"Sweet!' said Joren "What is it?"

"What came first? The skirt or the kilt?" said Myles.

"Mmmm. Good one. Now shut up. The untalented show is starting." said Joren.

The Untalentshow

First on stage for the untalentshow was Kel. Kel did not know she was first on stage because Gary and Neal had rolled her on stage while she was sleeping in a wheel barrel.

"Don't hurt the carrot." Said Kel in her sleep "Carrots have feelings too you know."

"HEY!" screamed Joren "YOU SAID CARROTS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS! I HATE YOU!" Joren then ran back to his room crying for his mommy.

Neal decided to wake up Kel by stuffing a snail in her ear.

"AAHHHH!" said Kel waking up.

"Well…" said Raoul "That's the end of the untalentshow! Everybody go home."

"BUT I DIDN'T GET TO PERFORM!" screamed Cleon who was dressed in a ball gown.

"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Wyldon at Cleon's misfortune.


	11. Cleons very own chapter

**Chapter 11: Cleons very own Chapter **

"HEY!" yelled George in a very angry sounding voice. "Why do I not have MY very own chapter?"

**Cleon, George and Jon were sitting on a balcony they didn't even know existed until that very morning smoking coal pipes and observing the people down bellow. It was around nine o'clock at night. Thats right, this chapter actually has a setting. I am becoming quite a good writer. **

"Because..." explained Cleon "I am cooler than you, poot head"

"Whats a poot?" asked George very confused. He was confused because he did not know what a poot was in case you though it was because of the goat Bilbo Baggins was dragging across the foyer.

"I don't know" said Cleon 'But I am a cool kid so I get to make up rules. It's the law."

"**THAT'S NOT A LAW!" screamed Jon who is in this chapter because I rather like having Jon in chapters that are dedicated to Cleon. **

"Glue hair antibiotics?" asked George. Actually what he said was "Jon has staplers?" but it was muffled because George had a lamp in his mouth to improve the shape of his head.

"**Glue-haired-antibiotics indeed George.' said Cleon rolling her eyes. **

"YOU sir are NOT a cool kid." said George who now had a lamp shaped head.

"I sir, am not a sir any more than you are a lamp shaped BUFOON!' yelled Cleon.

"**Huh?" said Jon all confused and such.**

"**Shall we have a Duel?" asked George.  
**

"**Duel indeed" Indeeded Cleon which is quite against the law. Cleon whipped out his super-shiny sword and swung it around like in an intense movie. **

George just stood there looking embarrassed and lampy.

**  
"Why aren't you dueling me like in an intense movie?" asked Cleon. **

"Hehe...funny story,"said George embarrassed, "...I don't have a sword."

'THEN WHY DID YOU SUGGEST A DUEL?" yelled Cleon.

"Because I though a duels was a type of pastry elves made in the ant holes that no ants want anymore." explained George.

"...that was silly" commented Cleon.

"**Why is Bilbo Baggins dragging that goat across a the foyer?" asked George. **

"I don't know..heck, I don't even know what a foyer is." said Cleon

"I am still here" Jon pointed out.

"That'll do it." said George as if Jon being there was a good explanation for why Bilbo Baggins was dragging Mr. Goat.

"Do you like the shape of my head?" asked George.

"**No," said Jon "As a matter of fact i despise it. It is the only thing in the world that doesn't make me happy."**

"**Really?" asked Cleon at the same time as George burst out in salty tears of his own body fluid.**

**'No, nothing really makes me happy. I am just a miserable type of person." said Jon.  
**

"**...Oh" said Cleon crinkling his eyelids in a flirty, disturbing way. **

"THAT WAS WEIRD LITLE MISSY!" screamed Jon.

"Sorry" apologized Cleon bursting into salty tears of Georges body fluid.

"GEORGE!" screamed Jon angrily 'What is you body fluid doing in Cleon?"

"**Nothing dirty I assure you" said George. **

"Huh?" said Cleon and Jon.

"I don't know but it sounded flattering" said George.

The conversation ended in an awkward silence so everybody went home.

* * *

I UPDATED! muahahaahahahaha :)

Everybody read my ninja movie because that is the most awesomest thing I have EVER written!  
I will start updating regularily too, because I feel like it :)

Oh Revoir!

.:XXX:.


	12. The Canadian Mob

Chapter 12: The Canadian Mob

Kel was walking down a corridor on a exquisite afternoon, since she had nothing better to do. She was also before a live audience because people were observing her for a report called "Kel: A History". Or at least that's what they said. Without so much as a squawk Neal jumped out of the drapery.

«RAWR!» roared Neal in a crumbly voice.

Kel heaved out her prickly swordfish street lamp and bashed Neal exactly in the ribcage,

«Ouch!» screamed Neal, which sounded awfully outlandish since usually people yell «Ouch» not scream it.

«What a extravagance!» said Owen rising out from under a hearth rug, «I get to take notice of the hedgehog Muppet play his pleasant-sounding stapler, and I get to hear Neal scream "ouch" all in the same day!»

Owen grinned in a really bloodcurdling way. It was like a miniature vending machine opening its jaws and there being a harp-playing mango in there.

«AGGGHHHH!!» screamed Kel and Neal. They ducked for cover.

Owen lost interest and scuttled off to grin at new people. A small number of minutes later he returned and screamed «THE CANADIAN MOB IS ATTAKING THE PALACE!!!!» then ran out once more.

«AGGGHHHH!!» repeated Kel and Neal. They ran outside because they are stupid. Outside there was a gathering of Canadian men trying to force Jon to put a badger down his pants.

«But I'm allergic to vegetation!» cried Jon

«HEY!» screamed Neal pulling a tin can of wine, «Stop forcing our queen to put animals into his pants!»

«Well he dam well deserves it eh?» said the oldest Canadian «Just this mornin' he came into my shack eh? And covered my pet moose and beaver with my tub of maple syrup eh? Then he fled into the forest eh? And I had to chase him with my moose and I missed my hockey game and spilt my beer, eh?

Kel and Neal exchanged bewildered facial expressions.

«What's HOCKEY?» asked Kel

«What's a SHACK?» asked Neal

«What does EH mean?» asked Kel

«What's a FOREST?» asked Jon who was now reading a book called «50 ways to make a mob of Canadians attack your palace»

«Well you better leave or my can of wine with come in contact with your jumbo eyebrow!» threatened Neal stimulating his can of wine.

«ARG! HE HAS WINE EH?!! EEP!!» The Canadians screeched and scattered, running back to Canada. Wine was simply too sophisticated for their beer loving selves.

Kel applauded and went to high five Neal but fell down instead. Jon then tried to fall down but by coincidence punched Neal in the face instead. Neal, feeling very violated and rather like Jennifer Lopez, opened his can of wine, drank it, and then pierced Jon with Kel's arm. It almost certainly hurt Kel more than Jon. Now Kel was feeling pretty angry and deformed. She picked a wild turkey from the backyard and slingshot it towards Jon's skull. Instead it smackrd him square in the bottom.

« Ow my square bottom! » whimpered Jon. « Now I'll have to get kelp implants! »

And that was the last anybody ever heard of him... just kidding.

* * *

I am canadian so I didnt mean anything to be offensive:):)

I was too tired to think so thats why this isnt a very creative chapter:(

haha, these litle emotion guys are cool (:):(:):( XD :)


End file.
